Submitted by Martha Stanley, Tallahassee, Florida
Idea posted May 3, 2010
[Martha's suggestions to a Mailing List member's post/vent about a former, recently retired teacher regularly visiting her old school to tell the current teacher how to run her music program.]
First of all, it's not YOUR problem unless you make it so. Don't engage. Don't take it personally. It's HER problem.
She - like many of us oldsters - have a lot of experience and wisdom and we want our successors to be as successful as we were. And she kinda misses the job. All that expertise and usefulness (and power) and sense of community has been removed. That can be a lot.
If she's been there 30 years, she may not have a memory or experience about teacher transitions. She may not realize what she's doing. Those of us who have gone as newbies into schools will have more memories to draw on in this experience and we may behave differently (better).
A comment about something or a question is not necessarily a criticism. Consider it to be an invitation for her to learn something new and for you to reflect on another way of doing things. She is learning how to be retired, how to let go. Be nice to her and allow her to do so. Just don't make it your problem.
Since you like her, you really should let her know that you're ready for her to cut the ties and let you fly. (Mixed metaphors are my thing!) Politely, but let her know.
Here's a couple of phrases you can respond with rather than engaging with her:
- Do you have a complaint?
- Do you have a question?
- Do you have a suggestion?
Each of those questions, and also her unsolicited comments, can be politely closed off with "Thank you for your input." Period. The End.
Just put up your force field, listen as long as you want, close with one of those questions, and end with "Thank you for your input." Walk off. Remember to be kind about it. She deserves respect and honor. It's time for her to back off, but if she doesn't, it remains her problem. Don't make it yours as well.