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Subject: [MK8]AARGH - why are they so bonkers? Here's why......

From: M Stanley

Date: Mon, 17 May 2010 19:53:03 -0400

It's time for my yearly discussion of normal group behavior. The stages of
group development PREDICT accurately that about springtime, things start
falling apart. This is normal. It's worse for the kids leaving the school
next year. Therefore, 5th graders can be HORRIBLE. Or wonderful. Ya never
know.

Group Development is an actual subject that is studied. And for over 20
years, information has been available for teachers which can help them
understand what's happening.

Briefly the stages are:

The stages start out with "getting to know you" otherwise known as the
honeymoon period. Learn their names, tell them the procedures, etc.

Then it's the "do I trust you" stage where there is testing the rules to see
if you really meant them AND to find out if you really are nice about it or
not.

Then -if you're nice and the kids get consistently expected to do two things
- you get to the "productivity" stage, where everyone continues those two
things. Those two group tasks in ANY group are "get the job done" and "keep
everyone happy enough to get the job done." Happy doesn't mean la-la-la
happy; rather it means there are kind and consistent rules and consequences
which facilitate learning and cooperative, happy kids.

If you don't have those two things operating, then the kids never get to
productivity, then the next stage - "letting go" or "moving on" or
"termination" stage - is just a continuation of the "do I trust you" to help
us get the job done and to keep us happy enough to get the job done stage
and the answer has been consistently "no." Therefore, we did not get our
jobs done and we didn't really work toward keeping each other happy enough
to get the jobs done. You can think of classes like this and then kinda
scope how the teacher works things in his/her class. Hmmmm......

If you have set the stage for "productivity", then the kids and you have
actually invested effort and time to building and keeping relationships and
team effort and learning in productive ways. THEN when the end comes near,
they will be subconsciously feeling grief because the relationships and the
team created will be splitting up. People will not see each other again,
the teacher will not be there...... and the moving on stage will be more
rocky.

Moving on means letting go ---- letting go of the rules, the expectations.
It means feeling a little grief whether conscious or not. It means that
it's better to be mad and/or not care than to feel sad. It looks like
fussing and lack of following standard rules and regs, and it can be
alternately stormy and perfect. The perfect comes from trying to
memorialize the good times and trying to forestall the inevitable
dissolution. But it's a yo-yo.

Fifth graders get it particularly bad because they are leaving the whole
school, the whole elementary thing AND they're hormonal AND they're entering
the identity/anti-identity stage (I don't know who I am, but it sure isn't
any of you grownups!!). God Bless 5th grade teachers!

So - tighten up kindly, continue with the same rules and consequences,
explain to them what's happening, be consistent. Honor their loss - give
them a chance to memorialize the end of their time together in this school
year. I'm having request day so they can tiptoe down memory lane in a
productive, fun and healing way. Others might have them write a poem about
their good times, whatever.

So - when you catch yourself wondering WHAT in the heck happened, just know
that it is normal. Not real pleasant, but totally predictable and
expect-able.

--
Martha Stanley, NBCT
www.marthabeesmusic.com
The best way to have a good idea is to have lots of ideas first!
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