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Subject: Re: [MK8]selective mute... update!

From: Jason J

Date: Thu, 13 May 2010 21:29:05 -0500

Meredith,
Somehow I missed this thread the first time around....
I suffered from selective mutism until about the 10th or 11th grade. If I
could offer any advice in your situation, DO NOT say anything to your
student. Don't even acknowledge that he has started talking to you. When I
was in elementary school (up until 6th grade), I did not talk to any adults
other than my parents and close immediate family members. I would talk to
all my classmates and a few other kids in other classes, but very few. I can
remember times during school that I needed to go to the bathroom, but would
not ask to go. A lot of times, if I needed something or if there was an
emergency, I would tell a close friend and he/she would relay the message to
the teacher. I don't want to think about how many times someone literally
begged me to talk. My 1st grade teacher told the class that if I talked to
her, she would stand on top of her desk and dance. This did not help me at
all. It did not make me "want" to talk. It just embarrassed me and made me
frustrated that I was not..."normal".... It basically shut me down. I was
not going to talk, no matter what someone did. It's not that I didn't want
to. I wanted to SO bad, but couldn't for some reason. Even looking back on
it now, I can't explain why I couldn't talk. Just the thought of all that
attention on ME, made me so so nervous. When I was in kindergarten and 1st
grade, my parents and other adults just thought I was being defiant and
wanted attention. That was before I saw psychologists (most of whom didn't
know what was wrong with me either). I was on Prozac for about 2 years
sometime between 4th-6th grade. A few of my parents' friends told them that
they just thought I didn't talk to them because I didn't like them. Of
course, this was not true. I was a well-behaved, "all-A" kid...my theory is
that I learned to figure things out for myself because I would NOT ask for
help from the teacher. My parents fought with teachers and administrators
about making accomodations for me when I was in elementary school. I went to
a private school with no special ed teacher, no special ed classes or
services, or anything of that sort. My teachers just didn't understand. They
saw it as giving me special privileges and didn't think it was fair to the
other students in my class.
The first adult I talked to at school was the librarian when I was in 6th
grade. I was on the scholar's bowl and she was the sponsor. Over the next
3-4 years, I gradually began talking to more and more adults and teachers as
I matured and my confidence level increased. I finally started talking to
the headmaster in the 11th grade. Anytime someone brought up the "Hey! You
talked!" line, it was devastatingly embarrassing. It was so much easier when
I was treated like a normal kid who "talked" everyday.
For me, music was my outlet. A "voice" that I felt safe and comfortable
using. Probably the main reason I went the band route rather than choir.

Whew. Lots to dig up. I guess that's it in a nutshell.
I'll be happy to try to answer any questions you might have.
Thank you for working to better understand your student(s). :)

-Jason

An update: A few years ago I told y'all about a little boy I had who was a
"selective mute." I had never heard of such a thing! It's an anxiety
disorder. I read the diagnostic notes from his doctor in his cumulative
folder and read all the strategies suggested for teachers. I tried the
strategies all the way through his third grade year with no luck. I heard
that he would speak to his classmates and at home. Then I heard he would
occasionally speak in his classroom to his classroom teacher, but he
wouldn't speak to ME or in MY room to me. He would shake his head, point,
or communicate in other non-verbal ways though. He also participated in
everything and was very well behaved. And he would sing along during group
singing, so I didn't worry about it. This year he's in 4th grade and a
couple of weeks ago he raised his hand, I called on him, and he responded to
a question. Inside I was jumping up and down, but I tried not to let on how
excited I was because I didn't want to embarrass him. Yesterday he came up
to me to ask me a question while we were giving out materials for an
activity. It's so great that he now feels comfortable enough to speak to
me. I want to tell him how proud I am of him for speaking to me and how
heartwarming it is to hear his voice, but I don't want to embarrass him. How
would you tell him without making him feel uncomfortable, or would you leave
it unsaid? I just wanna grab him and hug him!!!!!! But I'm afraid, as a
4th grade boy getting over an anxiety disorder, he'd be horrified at that
kind of attention. LOL!

Meredith in NC
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