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Subject: Re: [MK8]selective mute... update!

From: Elizabeth Geer

Date: Fri, 14 May 2010 09:24:18 -0500

Thanks for sharing -- you've just confirmed what I thought I was observing
with a kindergartener this year. My gut has been telling me for months that
talking and attention really stresses her out. Understanding what may be
going on will help a lot as she ages through the music program!

Elizabeth in TN

On 5/13/10 9:29 PM, "Jason J" wrote:

> Meredith,
> Somehow I missed this thread the first time around....
> I suffered from selective mutism until about the 10th or 11th grade. If I
> could offer any advice in your situation, DO NOT say anything to your
> student. Don't even acknowledge that he has started talking to you. When I
> was in elementary school (up until 6th grade), I did not talk to any adults
> other than my parents and close immediate family members. I would talk to
> all my classmates and a few other kids in other classes, but very few. I can
> remember times during school that I needed to go to the bathroom, but would
> not ask to go. A lot of times, if I needed something or if there was an
> emergency, I would tell a close friend and he/she would relay the message to
> the teacher. I don't want to think about how many times someone literally
> begged me to talk. My 1st grade teacher told the class that if I talked to
> her, she would stand on top of her desk and dance. This did not help me at
> all. It did not make me "want" to talk. It just embarrassed me and made me
> frustrated that I was not..."normal".... It basically shut me down. I was
> not going to talk, no matter what someone did. It's not that I didn't want
> to. I wanted to SO bad, but couldn't for some reason. Even looking back on
> it now, I can't explain why I couldn't talk. Just the thought of all that
> attention on ME, made me so so nervous. When I was in kindergarten and 1st
> grade, my parents and other adults just thought I was being defiant and
> wanted attention. That was before I saw psychologists (most of whom didn't
> know what was wrong with me either). I was on Prozac for about 2 years
> sometime between 4th-6th grade. A few of my parents' friends told them that
> they just thought I didn't talk to them because I didn't like them. Of
> course, this was not true. I was a well-behaved, "all-A" kid...my theory is
> that I learned to figure things out for myself because I would NOT ask for
> help from the teacher. My parents fought with teachers and administrators
> about making accomodations for me when I was in elementary school. I went to
> a private school with no special ed teacher, no special ed classes or
> services, or anything of that sort. My teachers just didn't understand. They
> saw it as giving me special privileges and didn't think it was fair to the
> other students in my class.
> The first adult I talked to at school was the librarian when I was in 6th
> grade. I was on the scholar's bowl and she was the sponsor. Over the next
> 3-4 years, I gradually began talking to more and more adults and teachers as
> I matured and my confidence level increased. I finally started talking to
> the headmaster in the 11th grade. Anytime someone brought up the "Hey! You
> talked!" line, it was devastatingly embarrassing. It was so much easier when
> I was treated like a normal kid who "talked" everyday.
> For me, music was my outlet. A "voice" that I felt safe and comfortable
> using. Probably the main reason I went the band route rather than choir.
>
> Whew. Lots to dig up. I guess that's it in a nutshell.
> I'll be happy to try to answer any questions you might have.
> Thank you for working to better understand your student(s). :)
>
> -Jason
>
>
> An update: A few years ago I told y'all about a little boy I had who was a
> "selective mute." I had never heard of such a thing! It's an anxiety
> disorder. I read the diagnostic notes from his doctor in his cumulative
> folder and read all the strategies suggested for teachers. I tried the
> strategies all the way through his third grade year with no luck. I heard
> that he would speak to his classmates and at home. Then I heard he would
> occasionally speak in his classroom to his classroom teacher, but he
> wouldn't speak to ME or in MY room to me. He would shake his head, point,
> or communicate in other non-verbal ways though. He also participated in
> everything and was very well behaved. And he would sing along during group
> singing, so I didn't worry about it. This year he's in 4th grade and a
> couple of weeks ago he raised his hand, I called on him, and he responded to
> a question. Inside I was jumping up and down, but I tried not to let on how
> excited I was because I didn't want to embarrass him. Yesterday he came up
> to me to ask me a question while we were giving out materials for an
> activity. It's so great that he now feels comfortable enough to speak to
> me. I want to tell him how proud I am of him for speaking to me and how
> heartwarming it is to hear his voice, but I don't want to embarrass him. How
> would you tell him without making him feel uncomfortable, or would you leave
> it unsaid? I just wanna grab him and hug him!!!!!! But I'm afraid, as a
> 4th grade boy getting over an anxiety disorder, he'd be horrified at that
> kind of attention. LOL!
>
> Meredith in NC